This isn’t going to be a very inspirational post. More so, my thoughts. These are the inner demons I fight.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I hear my mother’s voice so often in my adulthood. And I don’t talk to her. I have this recent inner battle where I don’t know if I want to be thick, eat junk food, and be happy; or eat healthier, workout, and get thinner.
My mother “let herself go” after my youngest brother. Or so that’s how I thought. And she always pointed out when I was too heavy or too thin. She pointed out a lot of my physical flaws, therefore, lowering my self-esteem.
I look at myself in the mirror now, and I’m okay with the thick thighs, the belly pooch, and the saggy boobs. I really am. I’m finally comfortable enough with myself, and I don’t have to be a size 6 to feel this way. But, I still have a dissatisfaction with myself. Like, I should be thinner. I was thin for most of my life. I had thicker thighs than most, but I also had a tiny tummy, and perkier boobs (but losing the perkiness is from having kids). I feel like I should be eating healthier (I’ve been eating horribly lately), and working out. I feel I should be striving to be thinner, because everyone around me is.
I also have this little voice in my head that is telling me I’ll be like my mother if I don’t get fit, don’t become thinner. Because I’ve always compared myself to her, to make sure I wouldn’t turn out to be her. Because of all her abusive attributes, and physical qualities. I know I need to stop, and I guess that’s something I need to work on.
What are your inner demons?
The above is a mockery of ItWorks. If I am gonna lose weight, it’s gonna be the traditional way.
notsonormalmama 