Today I want to openly talk about a recent diagnosis of mine; bipolar. I’m no professional, obviously, but I have my share of views on it.
Some days, I am so blissfully happy and unaware of anything bad in the world. Sometimes that feeling only comes in increments of minutes or. hours, and other times it can last for a week or more. When you’re that blissful and unaware you can do stupid things, like spend money you don’t have, or sleep with people you don’t know. You can decide to go skinny dipping, and walk down the middle of the street, drunk off your ass.
Another part of bipolar, is the crash down from the blissful period. Ah, the depression that ensues after the stupid choices you made when you felt bullet proof. You start to regret the grand you blew on who even remembers what, and the list of guys you slept with to keep your mind occupied from the one who broke your heart. You start to feel so intensely, that you curl into a ball and convulse, violently and painfully, as you become a crying mess.
So, you may think bipolar is easily explained. I mean, originally it was labeled as manic-depression. Such an easy label, right? You can be up, or you can be down. No. It’s not that easy. Because, wedged between the ups and the downs is the paranoia, the guilt, the emptiness, the euphoria, the anger, the sadness, the lapses in memory. You make so many bad choices, and sometimes good ones, but always second guess yourself.
If bipolar were as easy as flipping a switch between mania and depression, I’d take that from the constant mood swings I actually deal with, and can’t control.
notsonormalmama 